Thursday, September 10, 2009
Catch up or ketchup
I will always say what a blessing coming home has been. It seems perfectly crazy for me to say this, because in most ways, I have felt the worse I have ever felt in the month of being home. I think alot of the time it felt similar to having an arm or leg fall asleep and then trying to wake it up again..it is something that takes a while, and there are sharp pricks along the way.
I can state, very convincingly, that God is true to his Word; he is close to the brokenhearted. Extremely close. I cannot say what exactly made coming home so hard. It was just God. It was just China. It was just making myself more him and less me. It was saying "yes, Lord" even when everything hurt and I wished that I could beg, but I didn't. It hurt. I was ripped in two, and I didn't know which half I really was. I didn't know which half to really cling to. But I didn't need to find out. Gratefully.
Psalms has been incredible to me lately. One verse I love, I read yesterday night, "Light is sown like seed for the righteous" (Psalm 97:11)
Bits of light. Seeds that take form and become more than they appear to be. Especially when I do not see. A path.
People have been so good. I cannot be more grateful. I will always be glad for simplicity. I will always be happy for moments that fall into place completely genuinely. Thats how I view the past months, I think.
Catch up time is sadly drifting farther away. It is back to writing out my weeks, racing to meet people elsewhere, and filling out to do lists. One day, very soon, I will go MIA for one full day again and it will be amazing! I envy the little girl me. She would have just shrugged and moved on by now. She would have been long gone, planning out her next fort in the woods, or playing princesses outside.
I think shrugging is a safe bet for going MIA. Someone find me a porch and a fluffy pillow..and a map. Quick! :)